I wish it wasn’t such a burden
to feel every little thing, so deep and rich.
Its dark and thick behind this curtain
where sounds can still ring out in unbearable pitch.
At once both grateful and in awe of
a body molded with great care and epic purpose,
but twice resentful of the club
it joined me to for all my existence
in this life I’m sure I consented to.
Save my bloodline and right our history-
NO way, the details I then knew
how painful the trail to justice and glory
would cost. How wholly lonely
and stifling all this feeling would
day after long day leave me-
wishing I could be understood
for more than my suffering and my tears.
But goddamn it hurts in this beautiful body-
the one into which jealous eyes peer
without understanding it’s much more foggy
than it could ever be truly clear;
that feeling fully means an intimate knowing
of one’s wildest and most engrossing fears.
All you see is my skin glowing
and my eyes radiant with light,
but what I wish you also took in
more than what’s in sight.
I know the chances are real slim
unless like me you live as outcast
of the current prescribed norm.
The one that arrogantly pushes past
our no to quietly conform
to the standards set forth by
a humanity numbed to the bone.
Rules fully feeling bodies cannot abide
without abandoning what’s ancient and known
as truth – the universal kind –
a truth felt in the body deep,
and meant to union body, soul, and mind
such that of this land and life, great care we keep.
Instead, the powers that be
intimidate and forcefully
convince us we’re only free
when we give up easily
our birthright of wellness and peace,
which we can access outside the system
of capitalistic rush and greed.
You see, there is no you versus them.
There is only we, one, together
fully sharing in the load;
no longer keeping track of turns.
Forget the line that splits the road;
for we’re all walking each other home.
In community we must travel
so that each of us can be known and shown
that when the hard times unravel
our hearts and bodies from our souls,
it’s in witnessing the other with great attention
that beauty, truth, and healing we uphold.
In proximity with honest intention
to trust, facilitate and believe
the lived experience of one another;
until we’ve all learned the meaning of gently.
Then, may in love and connection we uncover
that the point of all of this
feeling fully joy and immense pain
was not to fight or somehow miss
each other on the way to soon see you again.
Parker Stillwater 